By Kim D. Tucker-Billingslea

God always prepares you for what is to come.

On Mother’s Day 2003, a friend conveyed a message from God that my future Mother’s Days would be different. I didn’t know what that meant at the time, but now I know that this was God preparing me for what was to come.

A couple at our church was ministering to married couples, and they asked those who wanted children and had not conceived to come up for prayer. My husband and I went up for prayer. By  Mother’s Day 2004, I was carrying Joshua and experiencing a miracle pregnancy at 46 years old. We were elated that God had finally answered our prayers.

My journey to motherhood was challenging from the beginning. I was put immediately under extra care because of my age and a major fibroid. Joshua’s delivery was also difficult. He was breached, I lost a lot of blood during delivery, and we received subpar medical care from the doctors. God’s will still prevailed, and Joshua made a safe arrival on September 16th, which we purposefully chose because it coincided with Rosh Hashanah that year. 

Advocate from the beginning and trust your support system.

Joshua spent the first part of his life mainly in the NICU. Joshua’s femur bone was broken during delivery, and he was also navigating respiratory challenges. I had only a few minutes with Joshua before he was medevacked to a hospital that specialized in his care. Because of my severe blood loss during delivery, I required transfusions and hospitalization for the next two weeks. 

The hospital attendants were not putting forth much effort to provide Joshua with nourishment. With the extra help and compassion, my husband and stepmother worked together to ensure Joshua received the care he deserved. Every time the enemy tried to insert a challenge, God intervened. I learned that as his family, we are his most prominent advocates. This resonates with all caregivers, but especially with a child whom God has entrusted to your care. 

Challenges continued, but God remained faithful. 

During Joshua’s first three years, he had many health challenges.  At 3 months, 9 days before his first Christmas, he was hospitalized, put in the ICU, and intubated because he did not have enough energy to continue breathing. God blessed us, and he was discharged on Christmas Day.  That was the beginning of many hospitalizations over the next three years related to respiratory issues, some of them ranging from 3 to 5 weeks.  At nine months, Joshua had so many hospitalizations that he was put on a failure-to-thrive watch. This required close monitoring of his weight gain by a nurse.

Spiritual attacks will come; be prepared to face them.

The battle was on! Joshua’s village mobilized, and the Kingdom Army engaged nationwide. During one extended hospital stay, Joshua’s lungs collapsed. The respiratory therapist feared he wouldn’t survive, “But God!!!”. Doctors questioned my calm demeanor, unaware I echoed the Shunamite woman’s “all is well.” God developed my prayer life through Joshua, teaching me to recognize, cancel, and boomerang attacks. There were times while sleeping in Joshua’s hospital room that I would be alerted to pray in the early hours to intercept what the enemy was sending. 

Thank God for a village of praying family, friends, and church family on standby to help.  Because of the village, Joshua was never left alone in the hospital. Lean on your support system! God sent them to you for a reason. 

Navigating a difficult diagnosis

From birth, we were told by doctors that Joshua had Down Syndrome, and we continued to fight against all of these symptoms.  I prayed daily for healing: “By His stripes you are healed, no Down Syndrome, no tracheomalacia, no sleep apnea, and no asthma.” God delivered Joshua through every challenge, including two “code” situations in his first three years. 

I visited the hospital so much that they thought I was an employee. One time, I received a sticker on my car at the hospital parking lot, indicating that employees aren’t supposed to park in the visitor section, which highlighted how often they saw my car. I was unapologetically there to battle for Joshua’s life, interceding against every plot.

Through the challenges, remember that God is your provider and your sustainer.

Caregiving for a child can create cracks in your family unit.  Joshua’s Dad and I didn’t look like what we were going through. But, the “crack” was on the inside.  The pressure of having a child who had faced numerous challenges ultimately strained our marriage. On New Year’s Eve 2007, he indicated that he would be leaving, and I found myself suddenly a single mother and caregiver for a very special child. Joshua was only 4 years old at the time. 

During this time, God proved to be our provider, sustainer, protector, giver of peace and joy.  Many times, we look for this in our spouses and loved ones, but this experience taught me to ultimately lean on God. God will always provide you with signs that you are covered.  Once, while Joshua and I were on vacation, a lady came up to me and said, ‘God is saying that He chose you specifically to be Joshua’s mom.’  I knew that, despite the challenges, God had blessed me and had chosen me for this. For anyone navigating a similar situation, know that you are blessed to be your child’s advocate and protector. 

Take advantage of available help and services whenever possible.

At four years old, Joshua was diagnosed with cognitive, expressive language, and behavioral impairment.  This qualified him for extra services. I was working in the automotive industry at the time and also managing his care on my own. Juggling this would have been overwhelming without the help, direction, and revelation from God.   

However, there is a positive aspect to all this. These extra services taught me to manage Joshua’s behavior, maximize his potential, and advocate for his health. Professionals often suggest medication first, but. I chose to manage his behavior through spiritual revelation and alertness. 

The lesson here is that medical professionals will always offer their opinions. But the decision is ultimately yours. I used my discernment and direction from God to determine the best treatment for Joshua. God’s wisdom and strength prevailed. Joshua no longer needs to be restrained or have exits blocked due to hyperactivity.  His doctor even asked, “Is this the same boy?”

Be fiercely protective of your child’s environment.

Joshua’s initial school wasn’t a nurturing environment, which led me to seek alternatives. I found a new school system that was starting a program for differently-abled children like Joshua (Cognitive and Behavioral Impairment). He was in their first class. 

Ultimately, I know that God protected Joshua because the previous school faced a lawsuit over its treatment of children with disabilities, leading to resignations. He is still there, and his teachers express joy teaching him, confirming our declaration, “The Joy of Joshua.” Joshua is social, loves to hug, and is perceptive and sensitive. His expressive language is delayed, but improving. He often puts his hand on people’s foreheads to “pray,” especially mine, when he senses frustration or ailment. I believe God speaks through him and has great plans for him. My prayer is that he’ll heal the sick, given his challenges.

God’s plans and prophecies ultimately prevailed!

During a church session, someone prophesied that a book is in me: “A Mother’s Love, a Mother’s Burden.” Reflecting on Joshua’s journey as a single, full-time working mom, I am amazed at how God has continuously made a way for me! God enabled me to be a stay-at-home mother when needed and preserved my job until it was time for me to “graduate” and pursue my next calling. 

Today, Joshua and I are thriving!  Although Joshua’s education plan has him in school until the age of 26, his school allowed special needs students to participate in high school graduation ceremonies with their classmates. While Joshua’s graduation included celebrating with his peers, mine was a severance package that included a year’s pay, healthcare, and full retirement benefits, allowing me to “graduate with honors,” as my Pastor called it. Looking back, I am thankful for God’s provision, opened doors, favor, and energy, which sustained me through countless sleepless nights.

God kept me through it all!

My journey as a caregiver to Joshua has been a testament to the strength of faith, resilience, and the power of community. I’ve learned that advocacy, support, and unwavering prayer are essential not only for the well-being of my child but also for my strength as a caregiver. Each challenge we faced reinforced the idea that God’s presence is ever near.

I encourage others in similar situations to remain vigilant in their faith and trust that they are never alone in their battles. We may not always understand the journey laid out before us, but with God by our side, we can find hope and healing amid our challenges. 

Continue to follow our caregiving blog series at https://www.drjeanneporterking.com/caregivers-corner/